Faithful Cadets, so much has happened in the last couple of days, and just when I thought things couldn't get any worse trouble has reared it's ugly head again like an Aukturian pulsating musk weasel. It seems that the untimely death of our beloved Midnight Viagra was no accident. According to a recent press release from the IGCSAIPAFPR moments before our beloved hero was found dead in his apartment none other than the nefarious Dr. Puddingchairpandamcgee and his gang of evil 1970's lounge musicians escaped from George W. Bush Memorial Maximum Security Prison for the Intergalactic Criminally Insane in Albequrque, New Mexico. His second in command, Percy "Kitten Squeezer" Flannigan known for his distinctive smile and for wearing the group's logo Candace the Mentsruating Panda on the opposite lapel, was seen at a nearby Petco shortly after the escape purchasing several sharp toothed Svendorian skreets. Dr. Puddingchairpandamcgee has had a long standing rivalry with The Midnight Viagra over the recently widowed Howling Vulva who it seems had spurned the evil doctor's romantic advances in favor of the more potent Midnight Viagra. Angry and jealous at The Howling Vulva's preference for infinite stamina and endurance Dr. Puddingchairpandamcgee swore that he would one day exact his revenge on The Midnight Viagra, and my faithful cadets, it looks as if he's finally followed through with his threat. The murder of The Midnight Viagra is but the most recent of the attrocities commited by these dispicable criminals his other crimes include: the attempted assassination of Skippy the paraplegic dolphin host of "Skippy's Numb Flippers Comedy Hour", tripping elderly people and stealing their dentures, masturbating in public with figurines of Jesus and Dr. Freud, both inserted anally, beating a park ranger to death with wooden statuettes of Smokey the Bear, stepping into the street with the intent of jay walking, holding an elderly shaved yak for ransom, and exposing their genitalia live on Sesame Street. These criminals will stop at nothing to cause chaos in the galaxy, and we must work together to stop them! I have posted their image below. This is Captain Walrus signing off!
PS: We're still gonna stop that duck thing too.
