Faithful Cadets, first I must apologize for my last post. I was extremely depressed that night having been shot down by a buxom young beauty in my favorite Parisian night spot
L'Homme D'Allaitement Obèse De Tortue, and I had been dabbling a bit too much with the green fairy (no not the
Great Gazoo) I'm speaking, of course, of
absinthe that wonderful drink that was known to make certain notable 19th century artists cut off their ears and sell them to prostitutes. In any case I assure you all that from now on I'll be clean and sober when making all posts in the future. On a lighter note you may remember that I made an appearance with Al Franken a little while back. Well I've finally got that transcript for you. Here it is, enjoy!
Al: Welcome back to the Al Franken Show here on Air America Radio. I'm sure that many of you are aware of the recent controversy surrounding the death of umm... uhh... Captain Bosworth... *rumaging through papers* geez, what's his name? Shirtstain? Bosworth J. Shirtstain? What kind of a name is that? I'll be honest, I don't really even know who the guy was... some kind of space hero or something. Anyway, I DO, however, know the name of our next guest... the famed space legend Captain Walrus. Welcome to the show Captain.
Me: Glad to be here Al.
Al: So tell me... what are you wearing?
Me: A negligee Al, and black stockings that would make your SNL alumnus mouth water like it would if I presented you with a platter full of pure Colombian cocaine!
Al: Oooh, you're making me jump out of my jar!
Me: ha, ha
Al: So, Captain... tell me... what's going on? Who is this Bosworth Shirtstain guy, and why is Bill O'Liely and Stan Marino trying to destroy you?
Me: Well Al, it boils down to this: hero envy.
Stan "The Can" Marino recently outed as Zander Schloss former bass player for the horrible punk band
The Circle Jerks wanted to take away from me the notoriety and adoration that he never had, because his band never made it big. Bottom line.
Al: And what about
Bill "I Hate the Pope" O'Liely?
Me: *chuckles* Well he just hates anyone born with the gifts of logic and reason. Tell him anything other than what he wants to hear and he's liable to start a witch hunt against you.
Al: Or sexually harass you.
Me: *laughs* Too true.
Al: But seriously, don't you think that it goes deeper than that?
Me: I'm not following.....
Al: What I mean to say is, obviously someone as astute as you must surely see that it has all the earmarks of rightwing conspiracy. A conspiracy that goes all the way to the top.
Me: I'm still not quite with you....I mean I don't think...
Al: Come on man!
Dirge W. Boosche! Obviously he's the mastermind!
Me: The Emperor? What would he have against me? I mean, yeah I don't like him but I've never even met him.
Al: C'mon Captain, it's clear as day. He hates the Pope just like O'reilly!
Me: And?
Al: And....Isn't it true that Pope Chuck II married you at 23 of your weddings including your most recent one, AND that he's a close personal friend?
Me: Well yeah....but if that's the case, why doesn't he just have the Pope executed, he is the emperor of the universe after all, and how does Stan Marino fit in?
Al: Well I'm sorry but that's all the time we have! Thanks for being on the show, Captain Walrus and don't be a stranger!
Me: Uh.... thanks. I won't
And that's all. Worth the wait wasn't it? Well....
Until next time,
This is Captain Walrus signing off!
