Boise + Captain Walrus + Sombrero+ Mariachis = Partay!!!

Faithful cadets, I feel amazing! I've just come back from touring the Boise nightclub circuit with my new friends, Pico DeLaPuta and Miguel TestículosDelCalamar of the mariachi band, Falo Gigantesco De La Energía, and man, was it ever fun! We performed from sun-up to sun-down at some of Boise's hottest night spots. It was just us, tres amigos, with nothing but our sombreros, our guitars, and all the tequila we could drink schmoozing it up in the hottest clubs with the hottest girls Boise had to offer. I must admit that I thought Boise and well, Idaho in general, was full of nothing but potatoes and farmfolk who only concerned themselves with tractors and good ol' family values and knew nothing of wild orgiastic nightlife. Boy was I ever wrong! I must say that Boise was fantastic, and there was nary a potato-farming bumpkin in sight! We (me and my spectacular sombrero) even made the cover of People Magazine! Well I'm gonna go for now. The hombres and I have some of Boise's finest young coeds waiting for us in the "Swingers Lounge" aboard my beloved P.M.S. Arthritic Badger that urgently need our attention.

Until next time,

This is Captain Walrus signing off!


Me and my Hombres jamming on Boise's main drag


My sexy sombrero and I on the cover of People

PS: I also picked up Cap'n Shrimpstain in response to his e-mail, and returned him home. Too bad he didn't want to stay for the party!

PPS: I heart Boise!

PPPS: I love my sombrero!

Good riddance to bad rubbish, and CNN loves my new HAT!

Faithful cadets, Stan "The Can" Marino is gone along with several million dollars of the Cap'n Shrimpstain Estate's money, one of the Cap'ns luxurious cars, and most importantly his ridiculous crusade to put me in prison. The FBI returned all of my belongings to me today including my computer (sorry Moscow Karl, you dirty red commie), and informed me that the investigation has been dropped. So now I can get back to hunting down my arch nemesis Dr. Puddingchairpandamcgee who I suspect along with his band of thugs was responsible for the Cap'n's disappearance. On an unrelated note, CNN interviewed me about my hat, and they, along with the massive crowd it drew, loved it! Check this out!

Until next time,

This is Captain Walrus signing off!

I Bought a Hat!!!!

Faithful cadets, I'm giddy as a schoolgirl right now! Do you want to know why? I'll tell you why. I bought a hat! A big beautiful sombrero hat from Mexico of all places! Oh, and it's a wonderful hat with gorgeous embroidery, and sequins! Man, you've gotta see the sequins! They're just so glittery. I love sequins, and you know what? I love this hat. I think I could probably wear this hat just about every day, and probably will. I'll probably even sleep in it, or perhaps maybe I won't. It would probably get wrinkled and some of the sequins might fall off. I Think I'd cry if the sequins fell off, and let me tell you, sirs and ladies, it takes a lot to make me cry. I didn't even cry for The Midnight Viagra or Admiral Benton P. Shrimpwhatzitz......... I had something to say about him, but I can't remember. I do, however, remember that I bought a hat and I loooooove it! I also bought several bottles of tequila, but those are gone now. I still have my sombrero, though! I love my sombrero! Anyway, I'm gonna go look at my hat now.

Until next time,

This is Captain Walrus signing off!



PS: Cheer with me! H-A-T hat! hat! hat! I bought a hat! hat! hat! Look at my hat! hat! hat! I love my hat! hat! hat!

PPS: Oh yeah now I remember! I got this email today. I'm going to check it out when I'm done looking at my hat!

Captain Walrus...

It is truly me, Cap'n Shrimpstain. I am alive and well, though sadly I am stuck here in Boise, Idaho. I need help immediately. My estate is not answering my calls, I can't get into my blog, and I have no money. I can't get back to Beverly Hills and I'm going absolutely insane! I've been through a terrible, terrible ordeal and I wish to discuss it with you. You seem to be the only dear friend I have left.

Sincerely,
Cap'n Bosworth J. Shrimpstain
Boise, Idaho

PPPS: Hat!

So Maybe I Was Wrong.....

Faithful cadets, I believe apologies are in order to a certain spectral entity that was the subject of my last post. Remember that story I posted? Turns out it never happened. I just got back from my monthly session with my hypnotherapist, Mudgor The Mind-Melder, and through intense hypnotic regression therapy we discovered that the whole thing was just a bizarre hallucination brought on by a near fatal propane overdose. Those blazing red eyes that i saw were apparently a pair of blinking red stoplights. The rest of it? The creation of my poor volatile gas riddled brain. What I neglected to mention before is that I awakened from the whole episode in the middle of a busy intersection to angry honking and a very stern looking West Virginia state trooper knocking on my window. I guess that's what happens when "going out for dinner" means purchasing 3 propane tanks from Lowe's and inhaling the entire contents in the parking lot. So this is me eating a huge slice of humble pie and extending my apologies to Mothman, and to all of you, my faithful cadets.

Until next time,

This is Captain Walrus signing off!

PS: Mothman, I must inform you that though I was wrong about this particular event, I must leave you on my villains list for certain terrifying personal habits that you have. I'm sure you understand.

An Old Nemesis Resurfaces in Pennsylvania

Faithful cadets, while searching for friends and maybe more on Myspace last night I was greeted by a most unpleasant surprise. I found the profile of my arch nemesis from Point Pleasant, Mothman! Many years ago I shared a most unpleasant experience with everyone's favorite fiery eyed harbinger of doom, no not the 43rd president of the United States ye of the shrunken attention spans, I am of course still speaking of Mothman. Here is an account of what happened:

One fateful January evening on one of my many recon missions on planet earth, I was driving my trusty orange Pinto Earth transport. When in the murky blackness I saw a set of firey red eyes blazing like the midday sun hovering in the middle of the roadway. They were as big as Earthly dinner plates, and I could not peel my eyes away! Suddenly I blacked out. I came to moments later to hear my com link beeping, and when I engaged it I heard a raspy metallic voice that sounded vaguely like my deceased adopted grandmother when she's had a bit too much of the jack daniel's on the line repeating "28....28" over and over again. I turned off my com link puzzled as to why my dead grandmother would be calling me at such a late hour, but soon my puzzlement faded and was replaced by another sensation.....hunger. I was starving! I put the pedal to the metal as they say on earth and soon I arrived at a 24 hour Mcdonald's where I ordered a number 4 super sized with extra pickles and no mustard. I drove off down the road tearing open the box that my savory double quarter-pounder with cheese was housed in when a most horrific sight blighted my eyes. My delicious sandwich was void of pickles and drowned in mustard, and when i raised my tear filled eyes to the flashing bank sign across the street I saw that it was exactly.......28 degrees outside!

No one messes with my double quarter pounder with cheese, Mothman! And now that I know where you live, it's only a matter of time. Your day of reckoning is at hand!

Until next time,

This is Captain Walrus signing off!




Vengeance will be mine Mothman!!!!